This new found notoriety has really gone to Fellow Actress's head. We met up for a Starbucks Gingerbread Latte yesterday afternoon and she turned up in full make up, wearing massive Ray Ban Aviators, (despite the fact we are two weeks away from Christmas) and sporting a very shiny Botoxed forehead. We had just sat down at a table when some poor French woman who was holding her A to Z, looking a bit lost ,came up to us and was just about to speak when Fellow Actress put out her hand in a "halt" sign and said ( without even looking at her) "PLEASE CAN YOU JUST LET ME HAVE A PRIVATE LIFE"
The woman scuttled off looking scared and confused and I stared at Fellow Actress in shock
"Babe, she was only asking directions!" I said
To which Fellow actress retorted, "Oh for God's sake Harriett, just because your fame is dwindling don't give me a hard time.It's HELL being recognised all the time and YOU of all people should understand."
I snorted at her delusion and then, as I watched her spooning the cream of her latte into her napkin because s" the camera adds ten pounds " and she "never knows these days if she might end up on the cover of Heat" it suddenly occurred to me that Fellow Actress has actually started to believe that she is really famous.Ever since the Film Star epoisode. And its really, really funny.
So I thought, for the blog, I'd make a list of signs, based on Fellow Actress's erratic behaviour, to look out for to help spot People Who Think They Are Famous When They Are Not.
Ten Signs You Think You are Famous When You are Not (But Maybe You Probably Should Be)
1. You always call ahead when you dine at your local Pizza Express so that they can prepare the best table for you and sneak you in the back entrance.
2. You demand that your cousin confiscates all guests’ camera phones at his own wedding in case people take unsolicited snaps of you
3. You tweet about the fact you are going to the local pub, then ask them for free drinks for the extra publicity they are getting.
4. Your hairdresser constantly has to talk you out of “Doing a Britney” every time you go for a trim.
5 The last three things in your Google search history are the Atkins,Chinawhites and Alcoholics Anonymous.
6. You hang out at the village football pitch in the hope of snagging a local footballer.
7. You call OK magazine when you finally split up with him to see if they want the exclusive on the story.
8. You never leave the house without your Raybans, and when the postman comes to deliver your mail you hide behind a bush and scream “No photos!”
9. You send your parents a letter threatening to divorce them for damaging you at childhood thus causing you to seek adulation from the general public.
10. You send your parents another letter asking if you can borrow some money to tide you over until your “comeback”.
Hi Harriet. A friend of my daughter, who earned a living as a Neil Diamond impersonator, refused to make any future arrangements (such as booking a holiday) for years because the poor deluded thing thought the phone would soon be ringing with his "call to fame". Naturally, ten years on, he's still waiting.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, a friend of my other daughter is on Loose Women today talking about her role in Emmerdale and she really has her feet on the ground.
This is very funny post and, as you know, not a million miles from reality!
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’
Hahahaha. Boy am I glad that I never had aspirations of fame-dom. It does all sorts of nasty things to your personality! Or maybe it was already there to begin with and just helped along by a little attention? ;) I agree, this is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThe Pizza Express one kills me! (because it's Pizza Express)
ReplyDelete