Thursday, 1 July 2010

No Sex in This City

I went to see the new Sex and the City movie with Fellow Actress last night and we decided to go for a few Cosmos beforehand. I don’t really like Cosmopolitans, and they get me really drunk, but I’d had a spot of cystitis that morning and I thought the cranberry might clear it up

"So", she says, knocking the first one back like a shot of tequila, "I hear Carrie gets back with Aidan in this one.Bad move" she says shaking her head

"What"  I say in disgust,"Don’t tell me you're Team Big, even after all the commitment phobes you’ve had?!"

"No," she says," I mean getting ”involved “ with an Ex. Just not a good idea"

I tell her that I’m meeting up with mine on Sunday. Comitment Phobe Ex texted me yesterday to see if I wanted to go for coffee, which was a huge shock to me as I hadnt heard from him for a whole month. I was just about to tuck into a whole plate of cheese when I got the message, but totally lost my appetite which very unlike me. How can he still have this effect on me?
"And?" she probes, spitting out her burnt orange

"Well he suggested this place near his, and we're meeting at 7pm on Sunday evening"

She shakes her head again. "He doesn’t want coffee he wants a shag" she says wisely

"Don’t be such a cynic", I say, begrudgingly, "And anyway, I don't fancy him anymore, its over, we can just be friends" I lie.I'm  secretly hoping he wants to meet to tell me he was wrong and that he still loves me and wants to marry me. Like Big did to Carrie in Paris, although he only lives in Kensal Rise so he wouldnt even need to travel very far.

"Yeh, that’s what I thought about one legged guy. You remember , the guy I went on a date with was sat down the whole time so that I couldn’t see he had only one leg, who I then felt sorry for and then started to fall in love with, who then split up with me, who I then met up with afterwards to just "catch up with" who I then shagged and fell in love with again, and who I then found shagging his carer when I came home early from work one evening. I was devasted, don’t do it to yourself."

"Look I’m just going for a coffee" I say. Convincing myself.

When we finally get to the Electric cinema , a little worse for wear and pick up our tickets along with the fifty thousand other Carrie or Samantha wannabes,

"Its good this" I say, munching on my popcorn, and sipping a fourth Cosmo, which you can drink in your seat which I think is a very good idea," I like the fact they have brought in a Carrie twin,"

Fellow Actress gives me a look of concern  and takes away my Cosmo.

"You’ve had enough of these for a while", she says, embarrassed, as the girls behind us snigger.

 I suddenly feel very drunk and need the toilet, and I clamber out of my seat and into the foyer, searching for the loo. A man, dressed in an oversized suit and dark glasses who looks like Borat, sidles over to me,

"Scuse me, lady." He says giving me a sideways glance "You know where sexy show is?"

"What ? " I gasp horrified

"The Sex Show?" he says and points to the poster of Carrie and her Chums striding forth. And then it dawns on me

" should probably go to Berwick Street " and I turn and run back into the auditorium and sit next to my friend.

"There was a pervert I say", and help myself to her popcorn, only to realise it is actually not her atall.

It's only later on as I wait for the Night Bus to take me back to Primrose Hill, and start to sober up, I realise Fellow Actress was wrong. Carrie didn't get back with Aidan atall, and a feeling of dread comes over me .

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